I waited for Sam Walker at a restaurant until 11:00 pm on my birthday night.
He cancelled our date again.
Seeing the picture that Eleanor Carter posted on Instagram didn’t make me feel anything.
At that very moment, I was ready to let everything go.
Sam made a reservation for two at that restaurant.
Sam took Eleanor Carter to see the sunrise by the sea last month on her birthday.
When I asked him angrily, he said I was being too sensitive. He said that he went to the beach with his friends, not just him and Eleanor.
We had a “cold war” for two weeks because of this.
Sam texted me yesterday to say he had booked a table and asked me to dinner.
I know he was trying to make things right.
Whenever we fought or argued, I would always be the one to start talking to him first.
After we got back to normal, he would give me a gift or show that he cared. One kind word from him would make me happy all day, and I would forget about all the bad things that had happened and get excited about him again.
The same thing happened over and over again for the past few years.
It was like, “If he hit me, I’d still forgive him for giving me candy after.”
He was in charge of our whole relationship.
I was like a kite in the air, but he held onto the string tightly.
My feelings depend on how he feels.
I am to blame for what I have become.
Because loving him made me lose my dignity.
He asked me to dinner yesterday, but I wasn’t as excited as I used to be.
If I am still the same person, it will be nice that he remembers my birthday.
For my past birthdays, I had to remind him over and over again to get me a gift or something.
I forgot my own birthday this year, so I was very surprised when Sam brought it up.
I only remembered my birthday was coming up when I got his text at work yesterday.
Then I said, “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”
I lock my phone and go back to work. I don’t feel anything just because he called me.
Today, when I’m not at work, I get a text from Sam that says, “See you in the restaurant.”
I get to that restaurant first.
The time is set for 7:00 PM, and I get there at 6:30 PM.
I keep waiting. Sam still hasn’t come by 8 p.m.
I call him and text him, but he doesn’t answer.
At 10:00 pm, the waiter asks me if he should bring me my food because the restaurant will close at 11:00 pm.
I give him a nod.
I’m chewing on the steak slowly and drinking some wine. I leave the restaurant at 10:30 p.m.
While I was waiting for the taxi on the road, I saw a picture that Eleanor had posted on Instagram.
She also said, “You make me feel safe.”
That picture shows Sam sitting on her couch from the side.
When I see that picture, I don’t feel angry, sad, or any other emotion.
I feel calm inside, like I already know the answer to the riddle.
Look. I knew it.
Every time he let me down because of Eleanor.
It’s strange that I don’t feel sad at all this time.
I take a bath and then go to bed when I get home.
I am sound asleep at midnight, but the door opening wakes me up.
I know it’s Sam.
I don’t open my eyes to act like I’m asleep because the noise is bothering me. I don’t want to talk to him.
I can still hear him walking near the head of the bed, but he doesn’t seem to be talking.
Even though my eyes were closed, I could still feel him staring at me.
“What’s wrong with Sam? Isn’t he going to take a shower and go to bed? Why is he staring at me?” I was so confused. “Being stared at was really annoying.”
Could he feel weird that I didn’t leave the lights on and angrily sit in the living room and ask him questions like I used to?
He should be happy that I didn’t go crazy this time.
He would stand next to me and look at me with eyes full of disgust and ignorance while I was breaking out.
I could tell he was treating me like a crazy clown by the way he looked at me.
