I hear a new person at my office say that she is getting ready for the qualification certificate for our job, and that makes me feel bad.
Even the young girls know they should take advantage of the time to get better, but I still don’t know what I’m doing with my life every day.
I have to blame myself for putting my relationship with Sam first.
I had been dreaming of marrying Sam since I graduated.
So far, my dream hasn’t come true.
In the past, the most important thing for me to do was to be around Sam.
I had even thought that if Sam asked me to quit my job and stay home with the kids, I would do it right away.
I thought that the best life for me would be to marry Sam and have kids with him.
I now know that I am a complete loser.
I put everything I had into this relationship, but he didn’t respond properly. He even offered to marry me.
I was a mess at work and wasn’t getting anything done.
The new person at work really inspires me.
I believe it’s time to make a change now.
I politely ask my coworker what study materials I should buy, and then I start getting ready for the certificate.
On my days off, I eat outside first, then study at home before bed. Sam is probably still mad at me because he comes back late every day.
That’s great news for me. I can study at home in a quiet and comfortable place.
I play with my phone during the afternoon break, and then I check Sam’s Instagram to see what he’s been up to.
There is only a picture and no words.
There are a lot of dishes and two sets of cutlery on the table in that picture.
I can tell the hand in the corner of the picture is Sam’s because I know the watch I bought him.
I knew Sam too well. He must have posted this picture on purpose to let me know that we are having dinner together, which he thinks will make me mad.
Honestly, I don’t feel angry or jealous anymore.
I will never call him and ask him why I’m mad again.
I look at that picture for a second, and then I go back to playing with my phone.
Sam called me in the afternoon.
His voice was calm and emotionless when he said, “I’ll pick you up today.”
I said no right away.
“Thanks.” I have to work extra hours today, though. “I might get off work late,” I say without thinking.
“When will you be done with work then?””he keeps asking.
“Well, 8 pm.” I have to stick to my story.
“Okay. He quickly hangs up the phone and says, “I’ll meet you in front of your building at 8.”
I can’t say I was lying, so I stay in my office and start to study with the things I bought.
I grab my bag and go downstairs at 8 p.m.
As soon as I leave the building, I see a car I know not too far away.
I walk over, and Eleanor, who is sitting in the front passenger seat, smiles at me. “Lillian, I just had dinner with Sam, and now he’s driving me home,” she says.
“I see,” I say, and then I open the back door and get in.
I had never sat in the front of this car with Eleanor before.
I have fought with Sam about this over and over, but I can’t do anything because he was so clearly biassed against Eleanor.
He said it was because Eleanor was sick in the car.
He said I was narrow-minded, but I told him that the front seat should only be for his girlfriend. He just laughed and said I was being unreasonable.
I have never beaten Eleanor.
When we’re in the same car, I get depressed every time.
I’m glad I don’t care about this anymore.
I feel so sleepy when I get in the car after working all day and studying for two hours.
“Sam, the prawns tonight is so good!” Next time, let’s go to that restaurant.” Eleanor said with excitement.
